mishandled managing

our manager has been ignoring us, not passing on reports to our director that are due and in general leering. It's been touch. We've all gone to HR to talk to them and finally against all odds, they did not keep him but did let him ride it out till his trial period ended a full 6 months.

by then we'd grown weary of letting them know how terrible things were because there did not seem to be any response to our concerns.
people responded with shock that the managers finally let someone go who who was not performing. It seems things have gotten so lax that people work to get thru the trial 6 months and then just ride it out.
I feel sad that it's dysfunctional and I feel I've done what I can to help move things along with no success.
It's time to go.

Recognition outside work

I went to a conference and was asked if I would be interested in being one of the trainers.  I would fly to various cities and do 4 conferences a year and speak for 2 days. I was super excited. I said yes-I'd be interested.  She said that I was knowledgeable and also a good presenter.  I had no idea that she was recruiting or played any part in it.

At work it seems that my ideas are put off to the side and ignored. I put good ideas forward and there is no investment of thought or energy.  It's somewhat frustrating to have good ideas and a desire but there's not support from people who can give support needed to get it done.

I don't know if they are ready to take on things other than the emergencies.

dissatisfaction

had a lovely company party but it was missing life. There's no road there for me to engage and travel. a boss who is not into taking input and does not really know how bad things are. but management just says-keep it rolling forward.
so it's go time for me. time to disengage and to go where my heart can soar!

feeling better

I was told by my physical therapist to tilt my pelvis forward and it will take pain off my back. So I started doing that and immediately my low back pain decreased.  So I am feeling more positive spiritually by knowing that Jesus blood was shed for me and by knowing I don't have to live under condemnation.   I am completely forgiven and ongoing being saved too.

Living in a continuous flow of grace is amazing. It's like always being washed and clean and being free to live and do good without feeling that I have a lifetime of failure behind me.

just go for it

I've decided to do the body for life 12-week challenge and push hard to get in shape physically.  So now I am going to fight thru the pain and get myself up on the ledge and get going on my path.

Spiritually I am relying on being the righteousness of God in Christ.  I don't have to do anything but accept that the work has been done for me.
I declare peace and prosperity over my three adult children.

I have to just go for it.

utter madness

i was attempting to move things forward at work and out of nowhere a shovel hit me on the back of the head-or that's how it felt. I was stunned and again made aware of how important it is to get off this iceberg before it melts.

I have important things to do and I'm afraid that if I don't jump off this "seemingly safe place" and throw myself at the mercy of the current, God's destiny and my own ingenuity that I will not achieve my full potential-which is my legacy for my life.

I want to be treated with mercy and not dealt the impossible hand of needing to be perfect and so I ask of those who seem to despise me and hate me to treat me with the same mercy that you desire for yourselves.
I, like you, have a right to be myself and fully live without apology and with grace for my failings.

feeling hopeless

trying to swim forward this week but basically swimming against a current that is taking me out to sea.  I feel like I can't get traction to move ahead.

the crucible

I feel like there are 2 things that are bringing hidden impurities in me to the surface.  One is the recent ramp up of the therapy is causing me great physical pain.  The other is an encounter when I was taking a self-defense class. The instructor did a pose which had thrown me into a tailspin-PTSD of early memories-a witness to violence.
I haven't been able to quiet the turmoil-but that's probably ok-I believe that it's surfacing things that must be scooped out so that I can walk down the road without a target on me, without a landing spot for evil to take me out.

paying off debt

I got a settlement for a car accident and i've been able to pay off half of my outstanding debt. It is a relief to feel like I may be able to financially be prepared to move on to another space.

step off here

In scuba, to enter the water off a boat, you take one step off and then you are in a land-underwater-that is very different with different laws that apply.
This is my journey in finding how to step off the boat of my current landscape and into a foreign landscape where I'll make my new life.

I'll be able to travel and breath and live the life that I was intended for.